E-Tools News

Have you made your new year’s resolution? Have you broken your new year’s resolution, yet? I just don’t make them anymore. I have no patience with myself for such things. If I really want to do something I can’t start it at the beginning of the month. I can’t start it on a Monday. I can’t start it at the beginning of a new year. I can’t announce it to anyone if it is a self-improvement thing. But I can set goals. That is something that I’m good at. So I set some goals for 2006, but no resolutions.

One of my goals for 2006 is to rise to the challenge that has been made to me by a few of you; the creation of a new tool for staff training. Now, this was a quiet challenge. It was expressed as a frustration about an unmet need. That is exactly how my IN MY SHOES series of staff training games came about. Someone points out a void to me, like ‘there is no staff training available which elicits the learner to feel what a consumer may feel’, and I want to fill the void. So, though I took it as a challenge, I’m sure it was not meant as a challenge to me. But I started thinking, ‘hmmmm, I wonder what could be done about that’. And it kept me up at night. And I started to imagine different scenarios that could fill this need. Then, I started to research and toy with some ideas.

Well, I’ve created a possible solution. And I need a few of you to help me decide if it is a workable solution.

The problem as presented to me: There aren’t any easy, inexpensive, online, self-study, short courses for annual refresher training for staff.

The possible solution: I’ve created a web-based, low cost, one – two hour sessions, self paced model for annual refresher training. Email me with courses you'd like to see offered.

It is my observation that Martha Stewart is a bit softer and gentler these days. There is something to be said for humbling ourselves when we do something wrong. We all know when something is right or wrong. Martha was rude and condescending to the young man with whom she had a telephone conversation about stock sales. She was so rude to some of her guests on her show, I understand they would never return. It may have something to do with power. She was and still is one of the most powerful women in the US. She flaunted her power and wealth, using it sometimes in mean and malevolent ways, reminding people of her power. As if power and wealth give one permission for superiority.

We are much more powerful than the individuals we serve. Even if we earn minimum wage and need food stamps, we are more powerful. Are we care-full with our power? Humbly helping and serving? Or do we use it as a hammer? Forcing submission and compliance?

When with other incarcerated women, when no one owned anything or had anymore power than any other, Martha was at an equal level. She was stripped down to her own ingenuity, ethics and heart/soul. I imagine in my mind that she needed 5 months of isolation and quiet time to arrive at a conscious decision about how to use her power. Otherwise, who would’ve ever given her a goodbye gift of any kind, let alone one that she would wear on the plane home?

I’ve seen her new show 3 times and have seen her softer and gentler these days. Martha is using her power as a servant, in self-less and ego-less ways, with mundane ponchos raising funds for benevolent causes. She’s using her power to assist, uplift and applaud others. She almost laughs at herself now when she can’t stop herself from obsessive perfectionism, and show a world-class chef how she would pat the dough into a rounder round.

Is it ‘fear factor’ at survey time in your organization? You know, it starts about 2 months prior to the survey. Whether announced or unannounced, the dreaded, anticipated survey causes stress in each person from the resident to the maintenance crew to the board members.

I’ve worked for many places in my long career, but seen many more as I had the opportunity to be a surveyor for a while. So, I’ve been on both sides of the situation and have some ideas to reduce the terror of surveys. Take what may work for you and discard the rest. You know what they say about free advice.

1. Administrators who promote the fear factor aren’t good administrators. We don’t meet standards because we are forced to, we meet standards because they are right. In fact they are the minimum standard that we would wish to meet. If we are good, educated and talented leaders in human services, we may want to surpass some of those basic requirements and go further in order to make us a provider and employer of choice.

2. Surveyors are free consultants. If you welcome a surveyor for who they are you will learn a lot and get more than your money’s worth! These people are usually highly trained in their respective areas, often with graduate degrees. Teams of surveyors are purposely created with various specialties. There may be a physical therapist, a nutritionist, a behaviorist, and an administrator who makes up the survey team. You may only see one or two, but they have access to the others at their home office. In addition, they have seen numerous programs like yours which have found various and creative ways to solve issues, provide humane human services and meet standards. Between their education and their experience, you have a treasure trove of knowledge and information at your fingertips. All you have to do is ask.

3. Surveyors work full time. If you run into a problem meeting a standard mid year, call them and ask for advice. They can interpret it for you or may even put you in touch with another organization(s) which has successfully implemented a solution.

4. Not all rules work for all people. For example, a person who is terrorized by the prospect of a bath or a shower may respond well to the use of soap-free products now available to clean her body and her hair. But there may be a standard which requires the use of soap and water in bathing someone. Speak to a surveyor and inquire about an exclusion. The surveyors are smart, educated and sophisticated people. They are open to exceptions.

5. Know how to present alternatives to standards. The weight of the situation will help you decide whether to call during the year or wait until surveyors arrive when you knowingly do not meet a standard. Either way, follow a logical process of exclusion that can be tracked and defended. The example of the use of soap-free products may be defended by progress notes in the record which indicate the person’s severe reaction to a shower or bathtub. Based upon your agency’s belief and value that a person should not have to experience terror on a regular basis, the team met and laid out several alternatives to try. Each one was documented and the final solution was arrived at.

The final outcome met the intent of the standard of cleanliness and was comfortable for the person. After all, when that standard was written there was surely a reason for it, but there were no alternative products like these new ones.

If we always stay ‘client-centered’ our actions will be right and defensible. Over and over, I’ve found it to be true. So true, in fact, that I experienced a survey team make the ultimate concession. A team once told me, the administrator, that a very ill female resident had no family and she should stay in our home to pass on. They were her ‘family’ and she should die at ‘home’. The group home was a highly regulated one, but we worked with the surveyors, and the woman was allowed with certain requirements which we met, to stay. She did eventually die in the only home she had ever known outside of an institution.

Surveyors may not be used to being treated with respect and openness. They walk into a facility and often feel fear, anxiety, standoffishness and maybe even hostility. So if you and the staff respond radically differently than most, and welcome them for their knowledge and consultative abilities, they will notice. Then they will gladly assist you and your consumers live within the intent of the best services to the individual.

Surveyors are people, too. Remember why people enter into this human service work: because they desire to serve people. It’s true that after a while some of us appear inflexible and just ‘follow the rules’. But we can tap into that deep desire to assist our fellow human being. When a group of people get together to work on behalf of a consumer who falls outside the norm, we find a way, everytime.

Find other articles from E-Tools News at www.thetoolbox.org

You can become licensed to use and sell ToolBox products in your seminars and training and get a discount on the materials. More info is available at http://www.thetoolbox.org/toolbox_associates.htm

Now accepting booking dates for 2006. To hold a seminar, workshop or conference date, contact Linda directly at 719.248.8554.

This people-work that we do, we helpers of humanity, who are hooked on our heart’s work, drains us, whether we know it or not. Refresh and renew yourself this year as never before with my sure-fire, three step process.

At least once a year we get the in-service lecture about frequent handwashing. We know that we will get sick or pass illness on to others if we don’t follow this rule. Some of the people we serve are so fragile that one bad illness could be very destructive and we do all we can to avoid that. So, we usually keep our hands clean. Well, try sticking your hands into something dirty and free yourself from your sub-conscious. Dirty as in gardening, clay as in ceramics or pottery, dyes as in coloring fibres. You choose.

In our work we use our minds more than any other part of our body. Our minds are challenged as much as in any high pressure job. If it’s true that mind games and word puzzles will keep people from getting Alzheimer’s, we in human services will be immune. For when we deal with human beings daily, we solve more puzzling situations in a year than any crossword puzzle addict will do in a lifetime. So, do something mindless, as in busting up clods of dirt in your flower bed, applying colors in random harmonies, squishing clay between your fingers and letting it ooze down your arm. What’s your pleasure?

We know we cannot make our customers, people, into our vision. We aren’t in control, as much as we may wish we were able to heal all wounds, understand all motivations and fix all broken hearts. So after a day of healing, understanding and repairing as best we can with words and cues, create something just as you want it to be. Tactile manipulation is the antithesis, the opposite, the necessary balance of the brainy work we do. Making something into our vision lets us know that we influence this world we live in. With so many we serve, we will not see change in the short term. And, though we intellectually accept that truth, our gut wants to see some fruits from our labors. Make them elsewhere. Make fabric, or vases, maybe vegetables.

Try something new. Something you liked when you were 12. Something you quit doing when work or family took over your life. Something you’ve admired from afar or seen in your daydreams. You help others make their dreams come true, help yourself manifest yours. I’m going to try all three of the above this year. Let me know what you decide to do and how it feels.

"Well, it's John's fault that the report was inaccurate. He needs to take responsibility for the fact that we based our recent purchasing on his report and now we are holding too much inventory. I don't see why the boss is calling all of us together to find a solution. John should just be disciplined and have to fix it himself!"

"Yeah, remember when Mr. Olbossie was here. He didn't waste our time with other people's problems."

Is there blaming in your organization? Very few organizations can get beyond finger pointing. And with good reason. Look around you. Political campaigns are built on blame. One candidate blames the other for war, the crime rate, loss of jobs, and the poor economy. In education parents blame the low test scores on the teachers and the teachers blame the parents. The wife blames the husband for the kids’ tardiness and the husband blames her for their poor table manners. We all know someone who blames another when they have clearly made a mistake. Somehow, the accepted corporate rule has been to deny responsibility for a failure or mistake and lay blame elsewhere.

Since blaming is such a normal and accepted reaction, what does it take to move beyond it? First, it takes people dedicated to the best organizational world possible. Second, it takes acknowledgement that the best workers and companies make mistakes. Third, bosses must not promote nor accept blaming. Instead they must treat mistakes and solutions as expected behaviors of employees. Blaming is not healthy, and can be harmful and destructive for individuals and for the organization as a whole. Blaming causes resentment, cliques, hard feelings, and isolation. Only when bosses understand the severe and long-lasting harm it creates, will blaming be obliterated.

In an organization, one person is seldom solely responsible for an error. Take John's situation, above. Many people and processes played into the development of that report. Fourteen sales people contributed data, Sue entered it, Bob programmed the computer to manipulate it, John asked several others to analyze it, and then he wrote the final recommendation. Our systems create more errors than the people in them. The people are not the problem. The systems we create are the problem. Since the managers usually develop the systems and procedures, the responsibility of revising the process falls to them. The boss needs to help the group solve the current inventory process and to move on past blame.

Boss: We are stocked with several thousand widgets we need to move so we can purchase the trinkets we'll need for the upcoming season. I've called you all here so we can brainstorm a solution, together.

No one responds. John's head is sunk on his shoulders, his eyes downcast at the table.

Boss: You are all aware that this is the time of the year we make the majority of our sales. Our year end bonuses are based on this quarter. This situation affects all of us and we all need to pitch in to think of a way out. No one person alone, could have created this dilemma and no one person can arrive at the best solution to ensure all of us a good season. Now, we need to clear out the widgets to make room for the trinkets which was our best seller last season. According to finance, it would be acceptable to reduce our profits by 50% in order to clear 100% surplus inventory, and we need to do it by 6 weeks from now, at the latest. Who has an idea how to do this?

Bob: We could run a clearance sale and promote not only the widgets but the clinkers as well, they didn't make the hit we had hoped for.

When our organizations need to move forward, there is no room for blaming. First, we must look at the process the people follow, identify how it is or is not helping us create the desired outcomes, next clearly define where we want to be, and last, develop a process or procedure that will get us there.

If an organization is fractured with blameful behaviors, forward movement is halted. It will wallow in a pit of blame and will stay stuck there if it accepts blaming as the norm in it's culture. The leader who understands this, and always reminds and supports people to rise above blaming will be able to move the organization forward and create a healthier and happier work force.

Later, the boss will ask for each person and department to evaluate itself and each step of its part of the process. Then he and an ad hoc team will test and evaluate the entire, cross-departmental procedure. This boss understands that managers create most of the processes or systems in organizations, so they need to fix them. People are not the problem. The problem is in the process, system or procedure with which the people work.

When blaming is circumvented long enough it will be forgotten. Then, when mistakes are made, individuals and groups can bypass the blaming phase and move right into identifying the breakdown in the internal processes to find the solutions, regardless of who had the last contact with the issue.

By Linda La Pointe, MRA, author of The New Supervisor available at www.thetoolbox.org or at the publisher, Hartman Pub, 1.800.999.9534 where they will give you volume discounts.

P. S. I blamed my dog for tearing up my socks, until I realized he saw them as a present I’d left for him. :=)

On Thursday, September 13, 2001, I facilitated
a session with first line supervisors in a company for
whom I had been consulting. It was the 6th week in a
commitment of 10 weekly sessions.

Most of these supervisors had been promoted from a
line position because they were good at their work,
mature and smart. I was brought in to teach them
better supervisory skills. Management expected them to
produce more acceptable results. An earlier survey
proved that business objectives and quotas weren't
being met, and tardiness and absenteeism were
unacceptably high. The company's managers

surmised that the first line supervisors
weren't skilled enough to promote the company's
mission, manage the workers or their work effectively.

The events of two days prior, the Tuesday we will all
remember as 9/11, could not be ignored, so my first
question to them was, "How is everyone?" Everyone was
all right and in attendance.

My second question was, "How did Tuesday go here at
work?" I learned that for the highest level of
management, the out of state corporate office, the
priority was caring for the staff. They were allowed
to take care of themselves and their family's needs
first. The company's long distance phone lines were
open to anyone to call anywhere in the world to check
on their loved ones. Televisions and radios were
brought into central, common areas and were left on all
day. Staff freely came and went between their
workspace, the TV areas, the phones or the rest area,
at their will.

The staff went into great detail about their families
and where they were and what was happening with each
of them. They told me how much they appreciated the
freedom that management gave them to cope. I then
asked, "With all that autonomy, how much work was
done?" They looked at each other, and nodding in
agreement, said, "Quotas were met or exceeded."

The supportive reaction of this management team was out of the
ordinary. Actually, extraordinary. Staff in this
company were held accountable to be in their seats
at their desks most of the time. They followed rigid rules: no
personal phone usage; personal belongings were not
allowed in their work areas and on their desks; no
calendars with pictures or graphics of any kind, no
personal photos; and break and meal times were
inflexible. All activities during work hours were
dictated from above.

There was very little staff self-management occurring
in this company. But in the throes of a dreadful world
crisis on 9/11, management changed all the rules. They
explained to staff that they had to stay open for
business to answer incoming calls from their
customers, so they asked their staff to stay and
accommodated them in this unusual manner. They treated
people respectfully, as responsible adults who were
allowed to be accountable for their work while also
taking care of themselves. There were numerous
distractions from the employee’s work that day.

What part did a country in crisis play in
productivity? Were staff just unusually patriotic
and loyal that day? How much was this unusual

and unexpected accommodation of staff a
contributing factor to the day's business success?

Employees of this company will always remember and be
grateful to their company for the fleeting
demonstration of support in that time of incredible
anguish and fear. A month later, when our time together

was up, all the old rules were back
in place and the poor outcomes existed again.

By the end of the 10 weeks that
I worked with this group, no one was
surprised, nor did anyone question why quotas

I felt like I was in the twilight zone.

This true story resolutely confirms my contention that
developing and supporting staff in self-management has
an immediate & positive effect on people, thereby
creating positive business results.

Treating people as if they are doing you a favor by being there,
acknowledging their needs and helping to fulfill
those, is good for everyone. We shouldn't have to
wait for a world crisis to have a workplace become a
good, safe, peace-full and health-full place to be.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

OUR INDUSTRY’S HISTORY

This past year I have been speaking all over the
country. I tell about when I entered this service
industry, and people spent most of the day in a room
with concrete floors and wooden benches, naked.

I mention the days when folks were thrown into a dark
'time out' room, 4' x4', with padded walls. I casually
remind the group when individuals stood in a line in
the shower room, nude and were hosed down.

And when I give the group a break, I hear the same
question: "You're kidding, they really treated
people that way?"

Staffers do not know the history of 'institutional
services'. It's hard to be proud of where you are and
what you're doing if you don't know where you've been,

the history of your chosen life's work.

It's unfortunate that trainers in organizations don't
have enough time to inform new staff of the history of
institutionalization.

I believe that if they knew where we came from and how
far we've come there may be more
loyalty,
more pride,
more retention of good staffers.

They are part of a powerful, historical, societal,
civil rights movement of which they know little.

So, I'm offering a couple of TeleClasses on

And it will only take your staff away from
their duties for one hour!

If you've never used TeleClasses, you may be in for a
treat. What a way to learn! It's like a conference
call over a bridge line that I pay for on my end.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Help your staff understand what it is like to become old, older and oldest with this simulation. It can take as little as 10 minutes. Gather the supplies ahead of time. Try it at a staff meeting this month.

-Have some wear eyeglasses with KY jelly on the lenses, have some wear glasses blackened out except for a clear hole for sight in the middle of the lenses.

Present questions, one at a time, speak softly, sometimes turn your back to the group so they can’t see your lips. Act like you don’t hear their protests. Continue as if everything is normal (it is for you!).

Move quickly to the answers, as if you don't hear any complaints. You might have them exchange papers to grade them.

1. Is it legal in Missouri for a father to marry his daughter? Yes, and any others if he is a legal minister.

3. How many species of animals did Moses bring on the Ark? None—Noah built the ark.

4. A man lost 2 fingers to an accident. How many did he have left? 6 fingers + 2 thumbs.

5. How old do you feel right now? At this point you can have them remove their disabling gear. Listen to their answers.

Experiential simulations teach at a deeper level than other mediums. That is why the In My Shoes series ( www.thetoolbox.org/games ) is so powerful in training direct support staff, families and supervisors.

How many of the people you know with developmental disabilities have a friend? Take a moment to count them up.

The vast majority of people with disabilities don’t have a friend. Oh, they have people who are paid to spend time with them, to work with them on their problems, to teach them, to schedule their days, to handle their money. But they aren’t really friends. These staff people may be friendly, may really like a consumer, may go far as to mentor him or her. But they’re not really friends, like your friends.

And some people with disabilities are lucky enough to have wonderfully involved family members who visit them, take them on vacations, advocate for services, send birthday presents. But they aren’t the same as friends.

~~~~Friendship is a thing most necessary to life since without friends no one would choose to live though possessed of all other advantages. Aristotle~~~~

Some agencies have volunteer programs which link people up one to one. These volunteers usually fill out application forms, provide proof of auto insurance, are required to get some training, are paired with a person with a disability by the agency volunteer coordinator and then report their hours of service monthly. But this isn’t the type of friends you have.

I have asked scores of direct service people, “It is possible for one to be a ‘professional friend’ to people who are labeled?” What we discovered together is that whether we were given one minute, one day, one month or one year, it is almost impossible to arrive at an unqualified answer.

So what is a friend? There are so many definitions of a friend, and any of them could apply. Just use your own idea of a friend. Then, can you imagine what your life would be like without your friends? IT would be pretty bleak and lonely. Yet, somehow we miss this piece when we design services to people with disabilities. We teach pedestrian skills and wok habits. We write behavioral objectives and management plans. With best intentions we place and isolate and segregate. But it’s unusual for us to help people make friends.

We are now aware of this shadow in people’s lives. But we have found a source of light and are beginning to move people toward it.

Plan, plan, then plan some more. Never stop planning in teams, in circles, with the person, with the family.

Planning includes self-assessment, by the person or their voice, knowing the history of one’s work, play, education, living situation, mental and physical health; Family relationships; old friends and level of contract; current friends and contract; people they’d like to know or know better; current and past interests; hobbies; places they like to spend time, or would like to.

Implement plans, contract others, check our possibilities, ask for permission, make introductions, create linkages.

Doing is a creative process: Processing the information gleaned from planning and acting on the knowledge to create new opportunities.

Supporting includes doing things for someone who may not be able to do them or doesn’t know hoe to do for self or others: wrap a gift, make a cake for the potluck, send holiday cards, speak for.

This suggested FriendMaking sequence is a proven strategy for helping people make friends. As in all goal attainment, planning is the crucial foundation for success. The second action in the sequence, doing, is the busiest of the three. And the final step, support, is the point at which fading begins. After that, only necessary supports are left in place.

No matter what size town we live in, we often think it would be easier in the opposite situation. If we are in a small rural town we wish for and think we would have more success in a large urban setting. This is not necessarily so. FriendMaking is possible anywhere.

~~~~~Once planning begins, these actions can occur in any order, or simultaneously.~~~~~

A crucial component that is not listed here involves belief and commitment: belief that friendships are not only possible but also vital to a life of quality; and commitment to the process and to the person that you are connecting,

FriendMaking for others will be a lifelong pursuit as friends come into and out of our lives like water through a reservoir. We can ensure that the reservoir always shows a water level and does not run dry.

Linda is the author of the training game, IN MY SHOES: FRIENDMAKINGä, a complete curriculum, and The FriendMaking Files which are available at www.thetoolbox.org

Many direct support professionals are mothers struggling to get by and provide for their families.

While thinking about this, I realized how motherhood requires one to become very creative.

One day I was wondering around the front office area where the time clock was. It was about time for shift change and I was visiting with staff as they arrived and departed.

Obviously frazzled as she was a little late, she was also breathless and exhilarated. She couldn't wait to share her excitement. "Sorry I'm late but you won't believe what I just did! I went to the thrift store and bought jeans for a quarter or a buck and took them to the used jeans buyer and sold them for 5 - 7 dollars each. Now I can make ends meet 'til pay day!"

I was impressed. I didn't know any thing about used jeans being all the rage overseas. A local company bought them in America to sell in Europe.

I realized we need more of those types of mothers, these types of direct support professionals.

She found a way to 'get it done', 'make it work', 'figure it out.' Just what we ask staff to do every day.

This young woman with her ear to a different world than mine, taught me so much in that moment.

With the unusual challenges, unique needs of consumers and continuous changes we face in human services, we need to summon the ingenuity and creativity of the staff who have their ears and eyes in a different spot than the supervisors.

In my long career, I've had to be reminded repeatedly of this because we have been so brainwashed to believe that those 'in the trenches' need our wisdom and guidance.

Bosses don't give enough credit to, therefore don't get enough valuable insight from, direct support professionals.

Daily and spontaneously, periodically and methodically we need to tap into their perspective and resourcefulness.

The philosophy and process of developing self-managed direct support professionals arose from watching and being impressed over and over again by these frontline workers.

It's tough out there for most seniors. Elderabuse is on the rise as elders increase in our neighborhoods.

In fact, it was an abusive situation I observed that spurred me on to develop the newest of my games.

It was the most difficult to write of the four staff training games: IN MY SHOES: Growing Old.

The 60ish man looked to be assisting his father from the passenger side of the car, when he suddenly and shockingly, in one swift movement, slammed the car door, leapt to the sidewalk and yelled, “You old f------ son of a b------!”, leaving the older man in the car.

Watching this from the next car, it was the final straw. I was determined to develop a simulation so that adult children of aging parents and human service staff could get some idea what it must be like to grow old.

With many years of experience working with vulnerable people, I had seen many disjointed families trying to cope with an aging loved one.

The hurt, the fear, the anger, the defeat, the exhaustion; I’d seen it all, over and over again. I could not remember how many times I had told caregivers, “S/he isn’t doing that on purpose just to upset you.” Some, relieved, believed me. Others, resentful, would never believe me.

I hope you will take advantage of this unusual and valuable addition to the field of aging this month of older Americans, to help others come to know what it must be like to grow old in this world.

We are Demotivating Employees Out the Door

”APRIL 10, 2003 - -- In this economy, any manager with an ear to his workforce knows that happiness among employees is about as common as a spike in stock performance. That said, managers could do much to motivate today's disenchanted workers. So why aren't they? The problem, a new study reveals, is that while managers know their employees are unhappy, they fail to recognize why. The study finds that 55 percent of all U.S. workers feel negatively about their current workplace. Managers, however, fail to realize how unhappy employees are, and they don't recognize what motivates staff in today's depressed markets.

“The biggest issue? A lack of recognition: for employees' ideas, performance, and contributions toward a company's goals” “…motivation doesn't have to be about pricey rewards, stock options, or massive bonuses. Instead, morale boosters in today's workplace are found in the responsibilities, prestige, and recognition employees receive for making a company profitable in tough times. "Managers who focus on doing things that give employees a sense that they're important and that their ideas are being listened to, seem to have the most powerful work environment," …..”

When we are supervisors of direct support professionals, we may take out our anger on those who are accountable to us.

When we are direct support professionals, we could be tempted take out our anger on those we are to serve and support.

We need to rid ourselves of that anger so it doesn't hurt others and stops hurting us, too.

So each of us needs a different perspective, thought or phrase to help us relieve ourselves of this anger.

They are thoughts, phrases or sayings, affirmations perhaps, that may help you through.

We all have our own demons.
Be gentle with people and ruthless with issues.
Life can be difficult.
There is no easy way to get through life.
Our most hated person is me.

We don't communicate well because we were never taught.
We're all disabled in some way.
We do the same things over and over because...
a) they worked for us b) we haven't learned another way.
Everyone's reality is real to them.
We are all just doing our best to survive.
There is always a reason.
In order to hear, we must listen with all our might.
It takes a lot of time to hear.

Deal only with what is before you.
I can see only what I know, there's a sea-full I don't see.
Be vulnerable and strong.
Ask to understand.
I can't know other's motives.

Life is fuller if we stay in it, and not run away.
When we acknowledge our emotions, we diffuse them.
I decide where to expend my energy.
When attacked step aside instead of countering.
We are response-able.
Avoid a void dance.

We can only learn relationships when we are in them.
Systems don't support people -- people do.
We have to live together for the next 70 years.

I only need to defend against real foes.
Most facts are just that: a matter of fact.
What you think of me is none of my business.
Sticks and stones...
It is time for authority to step aside.

He who makes you mad owns you.
The world doesn't revolve around me anymore.
Doing important things doesn't make us more important.
Anger is unnecessary.

PS If you know of any additional phrases, please send them to me to add to my list.

Emotions have long been seen as a function separate from thinking. But in learning, emotions are required to generate value, meaning, and motivation. Emotions, not logic, energize the learner’s attention, memory, and grasp of details. Emotions create more vivid memories than logic. Emotions create meaning from an experience. Emotions can direct us to see and value what is most important.

Meaning is far more important to the mind than general information. The stronger the emotion, the more significant the information and consequently, the associated meaning. Disengaged learners are bored with traditional classroom approaches of passive learning. Learning that has no link to the learner's personal needs is not motivating. Through emotions information is given weight.

Creating an environment in which one emotes will create the most learning. Emotions then, must be intrinsic to the curriculum rather than an after thought. Most learners will not be able to remember all the content associated with a particular topic, but they will remember the positive or negative feelings associated with it. Those emotional signals help one to determine whether those experiences should be regarded as good or bad, negative or positive.

Carefully designed curriculum which engage student’s emotions and make learning active can reveal desired behavior. Educational simulations, or educational games can create those emotions and allow learning to be personal. Learning environments that closely matched the real-world tap into our emotions. Those emotions bind learning and beliefs. The ToolBox In My Shoes series has been proven to create learning emotions which become indelible in the learner's mind. The field tests and ongoing feedback support the value of these educational simulations. You and your staff can benefit from this unusual and poignant learning approach. Staff training can be fun & games!

See the special offer below as train the trainer sessions in these In My Shoes games is now available.

Help us get out the word that supervisors can develop self-managed direct support professionals: It’s all in the A B C’s in Linda’s book: The New Supervisor, learn more at www.thetoolbox.org

As adults we aren’t much different when presented with general and vague questions.

As managers we need to be specific with our questions when we want to elicit specific information back. When Joe has been ill and you want to check on his status, you may ask: "How’s Joe this morning?"

But if you ask: "How is Joe’s temperature (blood pressure, appetite, congestion, strength) this morning?" You will likely get a more specific answer that will give you a much clearer picture how Joe really is today.

To learn 5 more specific communication tips, take the free upcoming TeleClass "Supervisory Joys". Learn more at: www.thetoolbox.org/teleclasses.htm

If you want to use this, or other articles in your organization’s newsletter, or want info on Linda’s availability to speak at your upcoming conference, email her at Linda@thetoolbox.org

Before tropical fish are set free in an aquarium, the bag in which the fish was transported from the point of purchase is floated in the tank. The fish needs to stay in the bag until the water inside the bag is the same temperature as the water in the larger tank. This is a transition time for the fish, so it can adapt to the new environment, regulate and stabilize its’ body temperature. Then, when they are released into the larger world they are likely to survive and be healthy. They are prepared and allowed to adjust.

This is not unlike what staff need to adjust to changes in their work environment. Think of the ‘floating bag’ employees need as information, trade journals, conferences and courses that they are encouraged to experience. Those help people adjust to single digit temperature changes in the industry so they experience an evolution rather than a revolution. To be protected or isolated for 5 years, then hit with the changes of this super-fast-changing world would be cruel. It would feel like being thrown into a volcanic-like sauna that is scorching and noxious, making people flee.

Don tells of an organization that struggled. “The community-based residential program for people with disabilities hadn’t changed in 15 – 20 years. Since it physically separated from the institution, as was the custom in the late 70’s, it had stagnated. So when I was hired to make changes as a staff trainer in the 90’s, I ran up against a brick wall. The staff’s philosophy and terminology, skills and knowledge were stuck in the 70’s. And they didn’t want to change, didn’t want to know how the field had evolved, thereby robbing the consumers of a better life.”

It is suggested that our body of knowledge increases seven times each year, so it is imperative that we stay informed. When staff are aware of the changes in the industry’s environment, they will need less time to adjust to specific, necessary procedural changes. Staff who are self-managed will absorb and internalize the nuances of the evolution and will themselves suggest changes to increase quality of service to clients. If they remain ignorant and suddenly are ordered to make changes that are frighteningly new, not understood and foreign, they will balk at best, or sabotage the change at worst.

“When the regulatory body finally demanded change, the staff revolted against the revolution. They, and therefore the consumers suffered terribly.” Don explained, “It took a while for me to realize that staff took this personally. Their interpretation was that they had been doing things wrong and were being corrected. Administration made a grave mistake by not keeping up to date. The agency still struggles with retention and quality issues to this day, a decade later.”

Think of floating. When we float we are buoyant and agile, relaxed but alert, adaptable yet conforming, calm and able. Today’s knowledgeable worker is more educated than ever, is capable, smart and deserves to be kept informed, self-managed and change-ready. They want to be neither over-protected, nor suddenly thrown in unaided to sink or swim. Think: float!

An interesting study was done. One that should really catch our attention. It reveals that employees who are happier and treated well, produce better results than those who are unhappy. And most frontline workers are unhappy and are looking elsewhere for work.

No, it shouldn’t surprise us. But somehow it does. It surprises us first, because we are stunned that a study had to be done to prove something that is so obvious. The outcome of the study should not be as surprising as the fact that it was done at all! When we recover from that, then it may surprise us because we aren’t aware that most frontline staffers aren’t happy and they don’t feel that they are treated well at work.

Ugh! This must make us look at ourselves if we are managers. But we have to give ourselves a break…we’re not the bad guy! I think I know why and how this happens.

The position somehow changes us whether we know it or not! My own research, and my work with thousands of frontline supervisors, leads me to believe that there is a clear and simple answer: We become so consumed with the position, we lose the ‘person’ we think and know ourselves to be. This is too bad too, because it was probably that personable person who got us this higher position!

The fun-loving, spontaneous, smiling person we think ourselves as, has morphed into a serious, unapproachable, distracted, frenzied boss, concentrating on the demands of the position, losing the person we were and forgetting the people who work for us. The moment we concentrate on the work and the final product and not the people who produce that product, we become the ‘position’ and leave behind the person who relates to others on a personal level. We want to be successful and do a good job. We think taking the job so seriously is part of the package. Oooops. Big mistake.

This serious approach to the position not only negatively affects our workers, but us, too. When we reach a toxic level of ‘position’, it is usually painful: we feel misunderstood, overwhelmed, crisis-oriented, over-stressed and we begin to hate our job, and maybe our co-workers, which we may have previously loved. Others see this and they begin to shy away from us. This cycle happens so often that many supervisors quit within 3 years of the promotion.

So here’s where the results of the study comes in. Supervisors need to remind themselves that no matter what work they think are in, they are really in ‘human services’. No matter what the company does: make widgets, produce soft or hardware, sell via the phone; once you become a frontline supervisor your priority must be the human beings who are responsible to you, as it is those humans who produce the final product. The work or the final product is no longer your priority. No work is done well if people aren’t happy doing it. So don’t lose your ‘person’ to the ‘position’.

And here we must be reminded why people leave their jobs (this, from yet another study). Most people leave because they see their supervisor as a jerk, and second they leave because they don’t feel acknowledged, recognized or appreciated. We can again become the ‘person’ known to be talented, liked and therefore, promoted, by remembering the importance of the people who do the job. Stop the vicious cycle. Lighten up! Smile. Visit. Have fun. It’s a win-win situation!

in November. I was having some health problems and just decided to not stress myself too much.

During November I became a recipient of health/human services for the first time in

a very long time, and it quadrupled (at least!) my admiration and gratefulness for those of you (us) who do this, our hearts-work. Words are never enough, but this poem is my gift to all of you who provide human services at this holiday season. And I wish you all a joyous and warm holiday.

THE HUMAN SERVICE WORKER’S TOOLS

In fact, such a big heart is what drove you to human services in the first place!

Your brain senses the entire situation and separates how to take action or just leave it be; decides when to be right or do right;